In-Laws and Outlaws

I have the best in-laws in the world. Unfortunately they are from my ex-husband's family. When I go home to Wisconsin, I make sure to make time for lunch with any of the Riemer Family who have the time to see me.  I get to catch up on babies, marriages, divorces, engagements and all of the other family fun.  I fill them in on my life on Long Island, my job etc.

My mother believes that I should cut the ties to my ex-husband's family, and I can always sense her disapproval when I mention that I'm seeing them or stay in contact. Mostly now the contact is through FB, but it's more contact than I have with the long suffering Jim's brother and sister and their families. The nicest thing one of my Riemer nieces said to me was, "You'll always be my Aunt Diane."

I'll never get to be a mother-in-law, it's just the way things worked out. I hope I would use the lessons I learned from both of my mothers-in-law or is it mother-in-laws, or how about the mothers of my husbands.

Lessons from the mothers of my husbands

1. Keep your opinion to yourself (unless asked). I know you're dying to share it with someone so share it with yourself.  You're the only one who wants to hear it. Really just shut it!
2. Unless the kids look like they are starving, physically or mentally abused, they are being raised just fine. 
3. Just because the nutrition guide says a child needs 5 fruits and vegetables per day, if the two year old is screaming for ham at Christmas dinner, just give him the damn ham. 
4. Saying "Thank you" is never wrong.
5. Religion or lack there of is a personal choice. Your religion isn't my religion but neither one of us is wrong. 
6. Just because you don't like it, doesn't mean it's stupid. 
7. When you're too busy minding your own business, you don't have time to be in your in-laws business. 
8. You can freeze butter so stock up when it's on sale. 
9. Pantyhose that didn't fit are never to be regifted--EVER! (Seriously, one year I got pantyhose for Christmas because ex-husband's mother she tried them on, and they were too big for her so she wrapped them up and gave them to me. It's one of my favorite horrible Christmas gift stories ever.)

Both of my mothers-in-law and one father-in-law have passed away.  I love them all, and I miss them all.

Just a thought on the current in-laws

I just barely have a relationship with Jim's sister and none at all with his brother. It's not just me, they don't communicate with Jim either. It's not from lack of trying on either of our parts. They just don't include us as family. Jim's sister, brother, spouses and children get together on holidays, and we aren't invited.  I used to cry about this A LOT! Then last year, Jim's brother informed me that I had an unrealistic ideal of families, and I should just get over it! I was furiously angry for a very long time. It made my stomach hurt how angry I was. Then I was hurt and held on to that grudge for a long time. That kept me from sleeping at night. After an Adult Sunday School session on forgiveness, I decided they are all forgiven, but I'm not putting myself out there to be slapped in the face figuratively or literally any longer. Besides, what am I missing out on?  Not much seriously.  Jim's sister-in-law has always given me the impression that I'm that dog poo on her shoe that she just can't quite rinse off. Jim's brother no longer gives us the time of day.  Jim's sister and I communicate about Jim's father and that is about it. 

Now I've made a family on Long Island with Jim and our dear friends. It's all good. 

Till next time. . .